The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

Is just to love, and be loved in return.

I got a phone call at 11pm last night from a good friend, "can I borrow your car?"
"For what?"
"Chris* needs a ride to Mexico."

The next thing I knew I was throwing the bare essentials into a backpack and heading out the door.

Chris lives and works at a Christian "base" in Ensenada where they build houses for families in Mexico. He absolutely loves what he does. The other people who work/live there are incredible too. It came to no surprise to me that he eventually fell in love with one of the girls. This didn't go over too well with the supervisors. Even though there was no 'hanky panky' - only kissing - they kicked them both out for not acting Christian. The next thing he knew, Chris was headed to Anaheim to stay with a friend until he figured everything out. About six days passed by until he couldn't take it any longer. He had to see her. He had to tell her he loves her before she gets sent back to Honduras (where she is from). He had to tell her before it was too late.

And that's where we came in. It only took us about three hours to get to the border. We said our goodbyes and wished him luck.

I have no idea how it went, but seeing him like that - I know his feelings were genuine and rare. It gives me hope to know that true love does exist - the kind that shakes you from your sleep in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, the kind that crawls beneath your skin eating away at you until you are reunited, the kind that completes you, body & soul.

I got back at 4am, and even being sleep deprived I felt amazing. Someday a guy will drive through the night and into a different country just to tell me he loves me. Until then...

Sam

*Name has been changed.

Beastmode: Day 3

Lent  |  3/40

Biggest Challenge Today: Soda / Sweets

I was really craving some sort of dessert tonight after dinner. And still with the damn soda. I had no idea this was such a big problem for me! This challenge is kind of fun though- I don't know if I've ever taken Lent seriously before. I like challenging myself. It feels like I'm accomplishing something ever day, even it it's something as super simple as not eating crap food for 24 hours. It still feels like I'm at least improving something every day.

Successes: Instead of having dessert, I had a glass of fat free milk and some fruit snacks. Yay for Vitamin C!

Consumed:

- Turkey, bacon, avocado & cheese sandwich on wheat

- Raspberry Iced Tea

- Salmon

- Grilled chicken

- Grilled veggies

- Fat free milk

- Fruit snacks

- Goldfish Crackers

Is cheating allowed when religion is involved? It's not a diet... It's a sacrifice. Hmmm...

Sam

Beastmode: Day 2

Lent  |  2/40

Biggest Challenge Today: Soda (again)

So far it hasn't been that difficult to cut out shitfood. I probably have a soda every day, so I suppose that struggle is understandable. 

Successes: I got "swiped in" for dinner in the dorms and I passed up all the tasty treats in the dessert cart.

Consumed:

- Coffee

- Chicken Quesadilla

- Guacamole

- Sour Cream

- Salsa

- Vitamin Water

- Turkey Burger

- Veggie soup (added tofu for protein)

- Iced Tea

I think I need to drink more water. I have upped my intake significantly since 2010, but it's still lacking. I've also decided when I'm craving a soda, I can enjoy a carbonated beverage of some other kind - like, sparking water. Yum!!

Bring it on Day 3!

Sam

Beastmode: Day 1

Lent  |  Day 1/40

Biggest challenge today: Soda

I crave a soda after meals. Might opt for some skim milk instead. Probably going to see The King's Speech with Dawson later - can't eat or drink basically anything you could buy at a movie theater. Going to hit up the grocery store on the way to grab something to munch on. Maybe some Craisins? Pretzel sticks? And a Gatorade?? I'm trying here, people!

Successes: Passed up the onion rings at lunch today. ((Pats self on back))

Consumed: (Keep in mind - my meals are prepared for me, so I do not necessarily choose the menu)
- Coffee
- Granola bar
- Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich
- Salad (traditional - and fruit salad)
- Sweet & Sour Chicken (not breaded - go chefs!)
- White rice (it was either that or fried rice, unfortunately no brown rice)
- Tofu & veggie stir fry

Also- I would just like to clarify when I say "fried foods," I mean breaded and fried. Ex: chicken strips. I am also staying away from french fries as best I can.

So far, so good.

C'est la vie,
Sam

((Click the title for a definition of "Beastmode"))

This Is Not A Drill

I've decided to make a sacrifice for Lent...

Lent Sacrifices 2011

(March 9 - April 23)

Junk Food

Including:

- Fast Food

- Chipotle

- Processed Food

- Fried Food

- Movie Theater Popcorn

- Sweets / Desserts

- Soda

- Fruit Juice Cocktail (aka not 100% juice)

Am I missing anything??

Wish me luck.

Sam

Notebooks

I write random insights into my soul in the backs of notebooks.

Confessions of an Uninspired Girl

Dear Self,

One day, I hope you look back on this letter and remind yourself it's not always easy being you. But that never stopped you from doing it anyway. No matter how many bumps in the road, you never lost sight of who you are. And don't be afraid to "wave your freak flag high" and all that. Today is just one of those days. Feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed. But you know you, it's only a matter of making it til tomorrow. You are more blessed than you realize upon waking up in the morning and laying your head on the pillow at night. I know, sometimes hearing that just doesn't do much to defer you from throwing that $300 iPhone across the room. Then let's try something different...

Remember how Mom used to sit at the end of the bed and read until you fell asleep? Sometimes she would get up to leave and you would ask her to stay just a little bit longer. And she never minded. Remember how Dad would watch TV with the volume so high at night that now it's almost impossible to fall asleep without some sort of noise? I guess that helped when it came time to move into the dorms with two other roommates... Remember those terrible lollipops Tyler's dentist would give you when you would accompany him on his many, many visits?

Maybe these little moments aren't indicative of a remarkably blessed life, but they do take you back to simpler times. Times when the world still sparkled. Magic still lifted your soul. Big boxes wrapped up in colorful patterns and shiny ribbons still took your breath away. Maybe some of that has faded away, but if you're anything like the Samantha you still are as I write this, I can bet that it will never fade away completely.

One thing is still for sure - music and movies will never lose their power to put a twinkle in your eye. In case you forget how special these two things make you feel, try listening to these songs...

"Kissing You" by Desiree
"Set the Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol
"All is Love" by Karen O and the Kids
"Desperado" by The Eagles
"All Over Again" by Justin Timberlake

Just a few that make you actually feel when you hear them. There's probably a million more, but considering all above are on your favorite playlist right now, it serves that they should bring you back to the moment I sat here and dedicated this letter to you.

Moral of the story is... just be you. You're an innately happy person. You see the good in everyone and when evil prevails you don't hesitate to rally forces for a renegade. Do not let anyone or anything take that away from you.

Be you,
Love...
Sam

Fresh Paper Excites Me

So I made a critical decision today.

I'm starting a journal. Not like this blog - an actual paper and pencil journal. I bought one at the bookstore. It's pretty cute. Polkadots on the cover and a ribbon to mark my page. I dig it. I figure, maybe if I track my emotions, frustrations, accomplishments, etc.'s then I can make some sense of my life.

I'm pretty excited to get this started. We'll see how it goes...

Anyway - I'M SO EXCITED FOR SPRING BREAK!!
Ahhhh!!! San Diego with my mom, then Disneyland, then home. Is it here yet?!
So close!

Ok time to get busy.

Sam

[belated] New Year's Resolution: stop complaining, and start doing. 
(An attempt to avoid hypocrisy) 
Typical example of all talk and no walk: "I'm so fat!" Next time someone says this to me, I should say "put your money where you mouth is and get some exercise. Or eat healthier." 
To apply to my own life (aside from the aforementioned scenario, which I am attempting to live by currently... slowly, but... trying.) I need to make things happen. I need to get involved. In something. Anything really. 


I want/need to do at least one of the following:
-Get a part-time job.
-Join an athletic  club (going to a Waterski/Wakeboarding Club meeting Wednesday night!).
-Join a community service club.
-Take on a project of some kind. Something semi-epic.
-


((not enough time to finish this blog entry... check back again later)) sorry

GFT's = Good Fuckin Times!

You ever feel like sometimes you have these moments in your life where you're simply just the victim of a "what not to do" situation merely for others to observe and learn from?

Me... Last night...

Just turned 21 in November. When I came back to Sacramento for Thanksgiving, I only hit one bar (Harlow's) and only because my brother's band (Arden Park Roots) was playing there. So now I'm home for winter break and some friends invited me out last night. We hit up R15 and I have 2 beers. They are ready to go home so they drop me off with another group of friends at Club2Me. There, my friend Tim, whom I haven't seen in probably 6 months, decides to buy me a "birthday drink." We decide on shots of Patron (which I did with my dad and brother shortly after my birthday in Hermosa Beach at Cafe Boogaloo- another Arden Park Roots show). The bartender is pretty generous when pouring the tequila in these large shooter glasses. Nonetheless, my night hasn't been as fun as I'd hoped so (and due to other recent unfortunate events that will remain private) I'm what you might call "enthusiastic" about this large shot, especially because I didn't have to pay for it!

Cheers!

....not so much. I'd estimate about 1/3 of the shot actually made it down my throat while the other was diverted into my wind pipe. Or something. I'm not a doctor, I don't know. What I do know: my throat immediately closed. I couldn't breath. I was coughing and hacking up a lung. Tears start to roll down my face. Someone gets me water. Can't drink it - not enough time in between coughs. Bartender suggests I do outside. Tim takes me out front. Luckily this bar is not in the middle of downtown so no one really saw me crying and coughing once we were on the sidewalk. Tim's freaking out at this point: "let me call 911. The hospital is right down the street - do you have Kaiser?!" I can barely breath let alone talk. Yes, he was just trying to help and obviously just worried I was dying but come on kid, I can't tell you what insurance I have!! So I'm texting my "boy bestie" (aka best guy friend) Papa Kyle to come get me (thank God we had made previous arrangements for him to pick me up). And I'm starting to freak out. My head is spinning from the lack of oxygen, and the intense coughing is causing pain in several places. My chest feels like it's on fire. Tim's girlfriend, Sam, brings me water. It has lemon in it, which reminds me of the lime that was with the Patron, which makes me want to punch a baby in the face (very unlike me- in other words,  indicative of the state of pain/panic I'm in). She's a sweetheart- they both are. They stayed with me until Kyle got there, even though their friends wanted to leave.

So Kyle swoops me up, talking to me like a little kid (which, compared to his 6'8" stature, I am). He drives me home, and I'm still coughing too much to go inside. After maybe 30 minutes ish, he thinks I should get in bed and try to sleep. I go inside as quietly as possible.

Nope, nothing gets past mama. She's up and by my side in less than 5 minutes of me hacking in my room, my dog lying patiently - clearly she is worried too.

5 more minutes later, dad has the whole situation Googled and he's ready to take action.

Alas, there's not much you can do for inhaled tequila. Just got to ride it out. Which I did. Rough.

Finally passed out around 3? Not sure.

I'm more or less ok- chest pains. Back pain. Neck pain... still coughing. Feelin pretty shitty.

But mostly... just wondering why?!

Haha - the answer? So you know- WHAT NOT TO DO.




You're welcome.
=)
Sam